Blog Archives

The Boot On The Other Foot

30/1/2016

Amelia, a second-year history student, reviewed books for the student magazine.

Seeing an advert in a local bookshop, she’d signed up for a free author event offering pre-event wine and requested a free review copy.

Not taking to the author – a distinguished academic publishing her first novel – Amelia admitted in her scathing book review that she’d been biased accordingly. However, she was entitled to her opinion.

Months later, it transpired that the academic/author worked part-time in the history department, had marked Amelia’s exams and – not thinking them much good – had failed her. Naturally, she too was entitled to her opinion.

Birth Of A Legend

29/1/2016

The bad week for rock music continued with the death of Glen Frey of the Eagles. Some might recognise the parts of this story that are semi-true.

On a corner in Winslow, Arizona, two singers argued over a song.

“Look, I wrote it,” said one. “I should sing it first.”

“Wrote WHAT?” said the other. “It’s only a half a song – you need more.”

“I know, smart-ass. Any ideas?”

Just then, a passing flatbed Ford slowed down to look at the two squabbling singers. The girl inside leaned out of the window, calling out “Take it easy, boys!"

“My Lord, that’s it!” said the first. “I’ll have the flatbed Ford and the girl, you sing the song first.”

“Deal,” said the second. And it came to pass.

The Hanging Judge

25/1/2016

For Burns' night...

In the dock, the prisoner stood, ready for the inevitable. The judge studied him sternly.

“Prisoner,” she said, “you have been found guilty of failing to write a story for Friday Flash Fiction today. Have you anything to say?”

“No, ma’am,” he bleated.

The judge excitedly fumbled for her black cap.

“In that case, I hereby sentence you to be hanged by the feet in the public square until you’ve thought something up.”

Someone in the gallery cried ‘No!’. The prisoner bowed his head, knowing that as a kilt-wearing Scot, his darkest secret could no longer be kept hidden.

There's A Starman Waiting In The Sky

23/1/2016

It's a strange world. In the week David Bowie dies and Donald Trump leads the Republican race for US President, one wonders which one is on the wrong planet.

The Starman was waiting in the sky: this was taking too long.

Inside, some of those running the race to the Kingdom of Heaven were having an unseemly debate.

“He’s an illegal alien,” said one. “He’ll just drain Heaven’s finances.”

“He’s a Muslim,” said another with strange hair. “I know these things. No Muslims allowed in here,” then adding illogically, “or out.”

“He’s a terrorist,” said a third. “See that guitar-shaped gun!” Others thought the guitar/gun was a plus point.

Meanwhile the Starman was getting fed up and cold. He changed into a Thin White suit and slipped inside unnoticed.

At The Weight Loss Clinic.

23/1/2016

Dr Sinclair’s weight loss clinic was always busier in January. The woman in front was particularly embarrassed, however.

“I can’t find any clothes to fit me any more, doctor,” she said, rather ashamed. “I can tell I’ve put on twenty pounds. It’s all around my neck, too.”

“It’s easy to let yourself go at this time of year, Mrs Wilson. You’re the third case today I’ve had of a double head. The question is: what do we do?”

“Gastric band? Round the neck?”

The doctor smiled. “No, that’s a bit extreme. Diet and exercise is the answer. Diet and exercise.”

All In the Name Of?

1/1/2016

It was all over in minutes.

The two men had been arrested, tried, found guilty and condemned, all in accordance with law. A crowd had gathered near the gallows. No children, though.

Someone pronounced a few official words. The condemned pair, their hands tied behind their backs, were led up some steps to a narrow wooden table, and a noose placed around each man’s neck.

Then the table was kicked away. They didn’t quite die immediately, it took a minute or so; afterwards, two small pools of urine could be seen below.

Their crime? They loved each other, of course.

The Boot On The Other Foot

Birth Of A Legend

The Hanging Judge

There's A Starman Waiting In The Sky

At The Weight Loss Clinic.

All In the Name Of?

Flash Fiction

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