The judge stared disdainfully at Rabbie Burns, standing in the dock.
"Burns, you're charged with cruelty to animals, namely one poor, innocent haggis. How do you plead?"
"N-not guilty M'lud. But –"
"Silence!"
The Procurator Fiscal began to present the Crown's case: photographs of a disembowelled haggis; mobile phone footage of a club dinner; and the Address to the Haggis in Burns' own hand.
The judge looked down at Burns. "Well, Burns?"
"But it was Veganuary, M'lud! It was a vegan haggis!"
"Nonsense! Even vegan haggises have two short legs and two long ones. Guilty! Five years! Take him down!"
"Burns, you're charged with cruelty to animals, namely one poor, innocent haggis. How do you plead?"
"N-not guilty M'lud. But –"
"Silence!"
The Procurator Fiscal began to present the Crown's case: photographs of a disembowelled haggis; mobile phone footage of a club dinner; and the Address to the Haggis in Burns' own hand.
The judge looked down at Burns. "Well, Burns?"
"But it was Veganuary, M'lud! It was a vegan haggis!"
"Nonsense! Even vegan haggises have two short legs and two long ones. Guilty! Five years! Take him down!"
