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The Warm-Up Act For The Main Event

31/10/2016

– Daddy, why is number ‘31’ circled on this month’s calendar?
– Because the last day in October is Halloween, son.
– Halloween?
– ‘All Hallows’ Eve’. The day before All Saints Day.
– Oh yes. I know about All Saints Day. So is Halloween special?
– Well... sort of. We mustn’t forget it.
– Why?
– You’ll find out. I don’t want to scare you. Yet. (Mischevious smiles.)
– Daddy, I won’t be scared. But I thought you might be.
– Me?
– I have a surprise for you on 1st November.
– What?
– You’ll find out. I don’t want to scare you. Just hope that calendar keeps saying ‘31’.

What Goes Around Comes Around

28/10/2016

On the eve of the (poisonous) 2016 US Presidential Elections.

Reduced to utter despair by the US Presidential Election campaign, a number of world class canoeists decided to escape completely by holding a Solo Round-The-World Non-Stop Canoe Challenge. Starting in New York, each canoeist had paddle around the world. The winner would simply be the first back

Setting off at the start of the US Presidential Campaign, the contest attracted great media attention but took far, far longer than anticipated. Eventually, first home was Annie Rochelle in exactly 1,460 days.

“OK,” she said, “what news have I missed?”

“Not much,” said Annie’s waiting sister. “The Presidential Election campaign’s just started.”

Jock Surpass Runs For President

21/10/2016

It should be fairly obvious who inspired this...

Faraway Plutonians could see that self-made trillionaire Jock Surpass was making waves in the Uranus Presidential election.

“There’s lots of rubbish emanating from Uranus at the moment,” said one Plutonian. “If elected, Surpass promises to rename the planet ‘Surpass Uranus’. There’s already a Surpass Sea and a Mount Surpass. And he’s promising to make Uranus Great Again as the centre of the Surpass System.”

“More like Bypass Uranus,” said another (a Plutonian joke). “But he’ll not get elected this year.”

“Because?”

“Uranus years are 84 Earth years long. He’ll die before election day.”

“How true! Cup of tea to celebrate?”

Pathways To Invisibility

14/10/2016

The Edinburgh launch of Lyra Somerset’s much-vaunted book, Pathways To Invisibility, proved a star event. A large crowd listened as James Ralston’s artful questioning coaxed intimate details from Lyra about her journey to transparency.

The audience gasped as Lyra read extracts standing, her clothes seemingly unsupported. Scores of copies were sold afterwards, each entirely blank, each signed in invisible ink.

Once the last customer had departed, Ralston packed away the discreet PA system with Lyra’s pre-recorded voice, the clothes, the cunningly-concealed clothes hoist, and the remaining blank books.

Easy money, Ralston thought, wondering if Glaswegians would be as gullible tomorrow.

A Self-Solving Problem

7/10/2016

I was struggling a little for inspiration, then suddenly UKIP came to the rescue.

Democracy, it appeared, had had its day. The country was in the grip of the People’s Party, a band of thugs and villains whose concept of ‘letting the people decide’ only extended as far inviting dissidents to shout down the wrong end of a gun barrel.

But these things have a habit of righting themselves. To elect its own leader, the People’s Party’s slightly crude selection process required candidates to ‘step out and sort it outside’. The winner simply had to beat every other contender to death.

With only one candidate left, the police could safely arrest her for murder.

The Warm-Up Act For The Main Event

What Goes Around Comes Around

Jock Surpass Runs For President

Pathways To Invisibility

A Self-Solving Problem

Flash Fiction

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The Warm-Up Act For The Main Event

What Goes Around Comes Around

Jock Surpass Runs For President

Pathways To Invisibility

A Self-Solving Problem

Flash Fiction

Collections(FREE!)Click on image

Archives

Collections
(FREE!)
Click on image