Weekly Flash Fiction

Boomerang Technology

26/5/2025

“So what did you learn in school today, son?”

“We learned about Boomerang Technology in history, dad. Complicated, I didn’t understand all of it.”

“Boomerang? That takes me back to my childhood. Remind me.”

“Well… the teacher explained about when computers became fast enough to identify where something came from by its trajectory and direction of travel. And you could use that information to reverse it. The teacher said it became possible to send bombs, missiles, even bullets back at whoever fired them.”

“That’s right. What don’t you understand?”

“The teacher said it ended all wars.”

“Yes… so?”

“What’s war?”

School Lesson

3/1/2025

“So what did you learn at school today, Chloe?”

“There’s a new President, Grandpa. He’s son of the old President, and grandson of the one before that.”

“That’s right, Chloe. Was your teacher pleased?”

“Delighted. She said that in the bad old days we’d no idea who would become President. Every four years, people just stuck something in a box, like a lucky dip.”

“Maybe a bit like that, Chloe.”

“Didn’t you once say you liked that way, Grandpa?”

‘Might have. But never, ever let them hear you say it… promise me, Chloe.”

“I promise… it’ll be our secret, Grandpa.”

Her Final Journey

22/12/2024

The pain came in the bathroom. She'd been expecting it, but not just then. Let me be clean, be respectable.

Desperately, she reached for paper and did her best, pain racking up all the time as she stretched. Not here, please, not here, she thought.

Gasping, she pushed herself up by pressing down on the flush button and rearranged her clothes as well as she could. Then it was all about staggering through to the sitting room by steadying herself against walls. Give me strength this last time, please.

She made it into her favourite chair and closed her eyes.

At Santa's Grotto

18/12/2024

A little boy is next at Santa’s Grotto.

“Well, young man, what’s your name?|

“Noah,” the boy replies.

“Nice name. And have you been good this year?”

“I hope so.”

“Very good, Noah. What would you like for Christmas? A football?”

Noah hesitates. “Santa, I don’t really need any toys. What I’d like for Christmas is peace in Ukraine, the bombing of Gaza to stop, children to stop dying in mass US gun shootings, racist attacks in the streets to end… and for people not to starve anywhere in the world.”

Santa sighs. “Would you settle for a train set?”

A Fatal Mistake in the Heat of Battle

1/12/2024

The room’s heat rose, the contest intensified: I could see sweat trickling down his face. Deep in concentration, I sensed he was nevertheless in great peril. This was my moment.

He paused for effect, then placed his three squares with the declaration “Down! Twenty!”

He should have paused a little longer.

My lip curled. Calling out in triumph, “A fatal mistake!” I laid down seven golden squares – G-O-O, then on the other side of his D, W-I-L-L.

“Goodwill!!” I screamed, “Triple-word, triple-word, plus I’m out!! 167 points!! I’ve won, I’ve won!”

“Damn,” he said. “My turn for the dusting again.”

Peace Offering

29/11/2024

Four writers knelt before the High Editor in Edinburgh Castle’s Great Hall.

“Mighty Editor,” they intoned. “We’ve travelled thousands of miles from Canada to beg forgiveness for our sins. We forgot our commas. We are not worthy.”

“True,” said the High Editor.

“Please forgive us. We have brought a peace offering.”

Before them, trussed-up, lay a terrified giant haggis, its two left legs shorter than its right ones.

“Fools!” announced the Editor. “Here in Scotland, we drive on the left. A Scottish haggis needs short right legs.”

“Oh, no, High Editor, sorry…”

“Guards, take these writers away and delete them!”

Peace on Earth

27/11/2024

Over the course of history, Religious Leaders appeared in various corners of the Earth, each claiming the True Faith.

Thousands of years ago in the Middle East, one Religious Leader appered promising peace on Earth.

“That’s great!” said his followers.

Behind them, a dark, sinister stranger chuckled. “Peace? I don’t think you’ve quite got the idea. These Religious Leaders will keep you at war with each other until eventually I can take full control.”

Fearfull, they asked, “When will that be?”

“Oh… 2024, or perhaps early 2025, probably. And by the way, I have special plans for you people here.”

The Cyberstalker

24/11/2024

Cyberstalker Cecil settled down for the evening with four pies, ten cans of beer and his computer. A former priest and respected pillar of the community, it had emerged that he’d been rather too close to some children in Sunday School.

Tipped off, he’d changed his name and fled to another continent. By day, he earned money cutting his neighbours’ grass; by night, he catfished his previous victims, taunting them with photos of naked girls.

Tonight, though, would be different. Unhealthy and overweight, Cecil managed only three bites of his first pie before feeling a massive pain in his chest.

Addict

23/11/2024

Alone in the house, her opportunity had finally arrived.

Furtively, she removed her illicit supply from her secret cupboard store. It was wrong, but she couldn’t help it. Months of work, of one-to-one therapy and attending MA sessions, would be undone in a few moments of weakness.

Every addict has his or her own method; she mainlined. Lubricating some toast with butter, she unscrewed the jar lid. It was now or never. Almost against her will, her hand applied some black heroin.

Closing her eyes, she allowed her mouth to ingest the irresistible preparation.

Marmite.

And so it began again.

The One After That Old Guy

14/11/2024

By 2028, he owned every TV station, every newspaper, and every publishing house. He’d bought Microsoft and Apple, and had added every other social media outlet. He owned every postal and delivery service.

He thought he was funny. If you didn’t agree, it didn’t matter: no one would ever find out anyway. But audiences loved him anyway, particularly Saturday evening prime-time TV shows like Shoot the Dissenter and particularly Jungle Time, where humans were attacked by snakes, lions, and other predators.

President? Of course, don’t be silly. Not a problem for the richest man in the world.

Elections? Why bother?

School Lesson

5/11/2024

The Thief of Time

31/10/2024

For Halloween.

Jamie loved long-case clocks, and loved stealing other people’s grandfather clocks. Never caught, or even suspected, newspapers dubbed the mystery robber “The Thief of Time.”

But it was a mistake to break into a horologist’s workshop on Halloween.

At first all seemed normal; the rhythmic ticking of well-maintained clocks. Then, in the semi-darkness, Jamie noticed that none of the grandfather clocks had faces. As the clocks chimed at midnight, he stood transfixed as, together, their face doors swung open.

In the morning, the clocks appeared as normal. Except that one of them had a new swinging pendulum, keeping perfect time.

At the 999 Call Centre

27/10/2024

On the weekend the clocks went back...

“Emergency services, which service do you require?”

“Ambulance – I’ve broken my leg!”

“What happened?”

“I took the stairs too fast, slipped, and fell.”

“When was this?”

“Five minutes ago, 10.30.”

“But It’s only 8.35.”

”My clocks say 10.35.”

“Did you forget the hour change?”

No, I put them forwards last night

“Wrong way, sir. Spring forward, fall back.”

“I actually fell forwards.”

Unfortunately… I can’t send an ambulance to an accident that hasn’t happened yet.

“Oh.”

“Still… if you haven’t broken your leg yet, you can take more care in future. Preventative medicine!”

“Great idea! Thanks – have a nice day!”

Jack and the Mobile Phone

24/10/2024

Jack’s new Nokia could text and take photos; even make telephone calls. Friends were insanely jealous.

Jack loved hiking. One day, he dropped his pride-and-joy down between some rocks. Determined to retrieve it, he reached down – only to slip and be trapped, upside-down, between two huge rocks.

It took years to find Jack’s remains. His Nokia was intact, but if he’d only waited for the iPhone23Pro to come out, emergency services could have tracked his exact GPS position before too late. Then again, an iPhone23Pro is so massive that it couldn’t have slipped between the rocks in the first place.

Two Tribes and the Wise Man

10/10/2024

A wise man once said to two warring tribes, “If you could only hold your fire briefly, you would not only find peace, you could also become wiser. For if you listen, you will find that you learn more from those with whom you disagree than from those with whom you share the same views. We learn nothing new from those we agree with. Moreover, in order that they might learn from you, you have to demostrate that you are prepared to learn from them.”

In response, the two warring tribes fired rockets and blew the wise man to smithereens.

All Because the Wall Didn't Do Its Job

28/9/2024

In Spring, the migrants came north, encouraged by improved weather and better life opportunities. The Wall proved no barrier.

There’s little doubt that the migrants were helping themselves to whatever food they could find easily, but rumours spread that they were eating people’s pets. Getting it all wrong, one politician insisted that “In Springfield, they’re eating cats and dogs.”

It was all the encouragement the locals needed. Chanting the Second Amendment in unison, they took up arms against these ‘aliens’. The result was carnage. By September, millions of hawks, kites and falcons had gone the way of the Passenger Pigeon.

A Movie Ending

13/9/2024

Monday 4th November, 2024

“People say that I ramble but I’m actually brilliant I’m a very brilliant man and I don’t ramble I weave different themes together, in and out like a tapestry and it takes a very brilliant man to be able to do that, hold all those themes in his head but I can do that just like I don’t need to have a plan I only need to have a concept of a plan – ”

Suddenly, a huge space ship appears in the night sky. The crowd cowers.

A loud alien voice sighs towards the stage. “DT come home.”

A Journey of Understanding

6/9/2024

Woken by the doorbell at six in the morning, Peter opened his front door to see three men and three women, each wearing white coats.

“We’ve come for you,” their leader, a women, said.

“What for?” Peter said, bewildered. “What have I done?”

“We’ve come for you because you don’t know why,” she said, coldly.

“But where are you taking me?”

“If you knew, we wouldn’t have to take you there.”

“But I don’t understand – ”

“Come with us. We’’ll help you understand.”

Only now did Peter realise that he was already in a straitjacket and heading down the path.

45 Applies for a Job

30/8/2024

Candidate number 45 glared across the table at the three-Martian interview panel: Algernon, Beatrice and Claire.

Claire began. “So… 45, why should you be CEO of Mars?”

“I’m the colour of Mars. And everyone says I’m the best.”

“That’s not what we’ve heard. And this is Mars, not Earth,” Angernon pointed out. “And your slogan… ‘Make Mars Great Again’. Are you saying Mars isn’t great already?”

“Mars has no atmosphere!”

Before 45 could say any more, Beatrice vaporised him with a death ray.

“I like our atmosphere,” she complained. “Next candidate – 46!” she called out.

A frail old man entered.

The Collector

23/8/2024

I get great satisfaction from my job. I do it well.

No one is genuinely ready for me, whether they’re in Gaza, Ukraine, in a hospice or a car crash. And they’re all expecting a man. Heaven knows why; men can’t be trusted with important things.

Recently, I picked up a small child in the London area. Somehow, she’d wandered onto the M25, with predictable results. I told her I’d come to collect her.

Understandably, she wanted to know where we were going.

I gave her the same answer as I give all the others: I was taking her home.

Andy Takes People for Granted

21/6/2024

Andy took everyone, and everything, for granted. Andy never tipped taxi drivers or in restaurants, or gave his cleaner or gardener a Christmas present. Andy saw no reason to pay someone extra ‘simply for doing their job’. He rarely even said ‘thanks’. Eventually, those who knew Andy came to regard him as someone not worth knowing.

One day, Andy was mugged in the street. With no mobile phone, credit cards or money, his only way home was a three-hour, ten-mile walk across the city. Several acquaintances passed by in their cars, but no one helped. They didn’t see the point.

Taylor Swift, True Professional

9/6/2024

Written as Taylor Swift began the European leg of her ERAS tour only a mile from my home. The entire country went mad.

Edinburgh – Scotland – the UK – all of Europe had gone mad.

Over 70,000 ‘Swifties’ had gathered in the city to welcome superstar Taylor Swift open the European leg of her Eras tour. Merchanside outlets, and burger, pizza and fish and chip stalls struggled to keep up with the queues, dressed in Swiftie-themed clothing to match their hero.

Her three-hour set didn’t disappoint, containing many huge hits from across her varied catalogue. Predictably, the weather DID disappointed – torrential rain – but like a true professional Taylor was fully prepared.

You had to be there to realise why she performs in swimsuits so often.

Howard and the Freezer Guy

24/5/2024

A longer story this time. I think everyone has at least one neighbour like this.

Howard and his two children emerged from home to find a giant delivery lorry parked across his entrance gateway. Howard had three cars parked in front of his driveway, and could move none of them.

The van’s driver Joe, a powerful man-monster, was struggling to handle a huge freezer intended for Howard’s next-door neighbour. Not that Howard cared.

“Excuse me, I need to drive my children to school. Could you please move?” Howard’s words sounded polite, their tone wasn’t.

“I’ll only be five minutes,” Joe grunted.

“But we’re late.”

“Should’ve left earlier then.”

“Look,” Howard said, “every minute you hold us up is costing me in school fees.”

By now, Joe had managed to manoeuvre the freezer onto the pavement and was trying to catch his breath. He turned to look at Howard.

“Lucky you can afford to waste your money like that,” Joe said. “Do you think those kids of yours will grow any better because they go to a fancy school?”

“They’ll grow up to be better than you. They’re better than you already. Look at you, reduced to a job like that.”

Joe folded his arms and grinned. “And you want me to move my van? Well, after that, I think I need a bit more of a rest,” he said, leaning back against the freezer.

It was the last straw for Howard. He walked up to the freezer and tried to push it out of the way. When he couldn’t because of Joe’s weight, he pushed Joe instead. It was a big mistake. After Joe ‘pushed back’ with his fist, Howard found himself on the ground, propped up against his own front gate.

The police were called, by the very neighbour to whom the freezer had still not yet been delivered. He’d seen the entire exchange from an upstairs window, and his account was largely verified by the two children. The neighbour added that Howard had form in situations like these, particularly with anyone he saw as an inferior being. As next-door neighbours they exchanged ‘hellos’ in passing, but weren’t friends with each other.

The attending police officers took some details, but suggested that it might be as well just to try and calm things down and avoid taking things further.

Howard was incensed. “Are you going to let that beast off scot-free? He deserves to be charged.”

The senior police officer, an experienced woman in her forties, sighed. “I think we decide who deserves what, sir, not you. And tell me – would you like to be him?”

Howard looked bemused. “Like to be him? Someone like that? What do you think?”

“Then it’s your lucky day. I think you should reflect on that, sir, don’t you?”

As the police officers turned to go, leaving Howard fuming, the police woman muttered, “I don’t suppose the delivery guy would like to be him either.”

Bandits

26/4/2024

There were three of them, dressed all in black, sauntering aimlessly around a hundred yards away. They shouldn’t have bothered me, but I committed the mistake of making eye contact.

Very gradually, they began to approach me. Their unblinking eyes never left mine. Silently, threateningly, they circled me, seemingly at random while drawing inexorably nearer. I was about to be robbed, but was powerless to do anything. The tension was unbearable.

Sometimes, discretion is the better part of valour. Unable to stand it any longer, I fled, leaving my fish supper behind as the crows swept in for their swag.

The Theology of War

19/4/2024

Orphaned, the little girl is being led down a crater-filled road towards safety. Her guide, and last remaining friend in the world, is a Catholic priest. All around, buildings are in ruins. And it’s noisy: explosions nearby, sirens blaring, rockets drones occasionally whiz low overhead.

She turns to the priest and says, “Father, if God is in His Heaven up there, why does he drop bombs on us?”

The priest shakes his head. “It’s not like that, my dear. God and Heaven are all around us, not just up in the sky.”

The he steps on a land mine.

<<Previous

Boomerang Technology

School Lesson

Her Final Journey

At Santa's Grotto

A Fatal Mistake in the Heat of Battle

Peace Offering

Peace on Earth

The Cyberstalker

Addict

The One After That Old Guy

School Lesson

The Thief of Time

At the 999 Call Centre

Jack and the Mobile Phone

Two Tribes and the Wise Man

All Because the Wall Didn't Do Its Job

A Movie Ending

A Journey of Understanding

45 Applies for a Job

The Collector

Andy Takes People for Granted

Taylor Swift, True Professional

Howard and the Freezer Guy

Bandits

The Theology of War

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