A longer story this time. I think everyone has at least one neighbour like this.
Howard and his two children emerged from home to find a giant delivery lorry parked across his entrance gateway. Howard had three cars parked in front of his driveway, and could move none of them.
The van’s driver Joe, a powerful man-monster, was struggling to handle a huge freezer intended for Howard’s next-door neighbour. Not that Howard cared.
“Excuse me, I need to drive my children to school. Could you please move?” Howard’s words sounded polite, their tone wasn’t.
“I’ll only be five minutes,” Joe grunted.
“But we’re late.”
“Should’ve left earlier then.”
“Look,” Howard said, “every minute you hold us up is costing me in school fees.”
By now, Joe had managed to manoeuvre the freezer onto the pavement and was trying to catch his breath. He turned to look at Howard.
“Lucky you can afford to waste your money like that,” Joe said. “Do you think those kids of yours will grow any better because they go to a fancy school?”
“They’ll grow up to be better than you. They’re better than you already. Look at you, reduced to a job like that.”
Joe folded his arms and grinned. “And you want me to move my van? Well, after that, I think I need a bit more of a rest,” he said, leaning back against the freezer.
It was the last straw for Howard. He walked up to the freezer and tried to push it out of the way. When he couldn’t because of Joe’s weight, he pushed Joe instead. It was a big mistake. After Joe ‘pushed back’ with his fist, Howard found himself on the ground, propped up against his own front gate.
The police were called, by the very neighbour to whom the freezer had still not yet been delivered. He’d seen the entire exchange from an upstairs window, and his account was largely verified by the two children. The neighbour added that Howard had form in situations like these, particularly with anyone he saw as an inferior being. As next-door neighbours they exchanged ‘hellos’ in passing, but weren’t friends with each other.
The attending police officers took some details, but suggested that it might be as well just to try and calm things down and avoid taking things further.
Howard was incensed. “Are you going to let that beast off scot-free? He deserves to be charged.”
The senior police officer, an experienced woman in her forties, sighed. “I think we decide who deserves what, sir, not you. And tell me – would you like to be him?”
Howard looked bemused. “Like to be him? Someone like that? What do you think?”
“Then it’s your lucky day. I think you should reflect on that, sir, don’t you?”
As the police officers turned to go, leaving Howard fuming, the police woman muttered, “I don’t suppose the delivery guy would like to be him either.”
The van’s driver Joe, a powerful man-monster, was struggling to handle a huge freezer intended for Howard’s next-door neighbour. Not that Howard cared.
“Excuse me, I need to drive my children to school. Could you please move?” Howard’s words sounded polite, their tone wasn’t.
“I’ll only be five minutes,” Joe grunted.
“But we’re late.”
“Should’ve left earlier then.”
“Look,” Howard said, “every minute you hold us up is costing me in school fees.”
By now, Joe had managed to manoeuvre the freezer onto the pavement and was trying to catch his breath. He turned to look at Howard.
“Lucky you can afford to waste your money like that,” Joe said. “Do you think those kids of yours will grow any better because they go to a fancy school?”
“They’ll grow up to be better than you. They’re better than you already. Look at you, reduced to a job like that.”
Joe folded his arms and grinned. “And you want me to move my van? Well, after that, I think I need a bit more of a rest,” he said, leaning back against the freezer.
It was the last straw for Howard. He walked up to the freezer and tried to push it out of the way. When he couldn’t because of Joe’s weight, he pushed Joe instead. It was a big mistake. After Joe ‘pushed back’ with his fist, Howard found himself on the ground, propped up against his own front gate.
The police were called, by the very neighbour to whom the freezer had still not yet been delivered. He’d seen the entire exchange from an upstairs window, and his account was largely verified by the two children. The neighbour added that Howard had form in situations like these, particularly with anyone he saw as an inferior being. As next-door neighbours they exchanged ‘hellos’ in passing, but weren’t friends with each other.
The attending police officers took some details, but suggested that it might be as well just to try and calm things down and avoid taking things further.
Howard was incensed. “Are you going to let that beast off scot-free? He deserves to be charged.”
The senior police officer, an experienced woman in her forties, sighed. “I think we decide who deserves what, sir, not you. And tell me – would you like to be him?”
Howard looked bemused. “Like to be him? Someone like that? What do you think?”
“Then it’s your lucky day. I think you should reflect on that, sir, don’t you?”
As the police officers turned to go, leaving Howard fuming, the police woman muttered, “I don’t suppose the delivery guy would like to be him either.”
